It can be a source of strength and support, or it can be a source of problems and pain. Constantly making fun of her and belittling her in front of others. Its crucial to be patient with your son and not hold grudges, no matter how difficult hes being and how hes treating you. How Long Does It Take to Forgive a Cheating Spouse? I have tried it all, name it. Make sure you listen to what he has to say and take the time to really understand where hes coming from. The son may feel like he cant live up to his mothers expectations or that he must take care of her emotionally. Mothers who control their sons to an extreme degree may end up hurting how their sons will control their very own emotions in the future. For this reason, divorce should not be taken lightly (and I argue, if at all) because it leads to the breakdown of the family unit, which can lead to the breakdown of parent-child relationships, too.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-1','ezslot_22',600,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-1-0'); Sons with mental illness or personality disorders can become difficult to live with, especially for their parents. Another sign of an unhealthy relationship is when the son feels like he cant express himself freely to his mother. How To Get Kids To Do Chores Without Nagging? She might even tell you what classes to take in school or if you should get married or have children. A bossy mother will often want to know where her son is at all times, what hes doing, and who hes spending time with. Many factors contribute to this strained relationship, and mothers should not take it upon themselves to shoulder all the blame. Your email address will not be published. This can lead to anxiety and feeling suffocated by the relationship. All rights reserved 2022-2023 Copyright HowChimp.com. Another way to communicate effectively is to make sure that you are on the same page with your son. It may not seem a stretch to imagine a son hating a mean, harmful mother, but some sons truly hate their mothers, despite the moms being utterly caring and loving. 6 Ways To Keep The Zen! It could also give you some insight into whats going on in his life, which can help you be more supportive of him as he grows up. Mothers who do not get enough attention from their partners, have trouble finding fulfillment in their work, or struggle with depression are more likely to hurt their adult child in this way. Shannon is a mother of two boys and one girl. The hatred between a son and his mother develops over time when boundaries continue to be disrespected. . eval(ez_write_tag([[120,600],'ciprofamily_com-box-4','ezslot_13',197,'0','0']));eval(ez_write_tag([[120,600],'ciprofamily_com-box-4','ezslot_14',197,'0','1']));.box-4-multi-197{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}This article will explore the reasons why some sons treat their mothers poorly and offer advice on how to break the cycle. If a mother constantly questions her sons abilities, it can cause a lot of resentment in the relationship. If a mother constantly judges her son then he might end up resenting her for it because he does not want people to talk about him like that. Then, I got a call back that no . If it does not resolve, it can feel like a death. Or maybe she didnt show as much affection toward them as she did to youthats a sign of favoritism, which is also unhealthy for kids. Mothers who are controlling usually have high expectations for their children. You can also suggest professional counseling if needed, as this may be the best route for him to take. Instead, they should write from the heart and focus on being honest about how their sons behavior makes them feel. This means that she looks to him to make her feel good about herself and she bases her own self-esteem on his approval. Some of the most illuminating writing on the mother-son relationships comes from William Pollack in his book Real Boys, where he describes how men are forced into a "gender straitjacket" and how mothers can reinforce these norms by encouraging them to suppress emotion. This problem can have serious consequences for both the mother and the son, including feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, and even depression. The login page will open in a new tab. However, if the mother favors one child over another or treats them differently, then this may indicate an unwell relationship between the two. He may have trouble forming healthy romantic relationships or maintaining friendships. Listening will help you understand where hes coming from and how he feels about things. A mother who crosses boundaries will inevitably have a son who will grow up to cut off contact with her. If you must give criticism, do so constructively and without belittling your son. Interactions with your mom can be a . An unhealthy relationship can also be characterized by a lack of communication between the two. Everyone needs to recognize that this does not mean that a son does not love his mother. And no one thing always means sons will love or hate their mothers. Read on as we explore the issue of sons who mistreat their mothers, why sons behave this way, what it does to their mothers, and what mothers can do about it. For example, a study in the academic journal Personal Relationships examined how adult attachment styles are influenced by how close the mother was to her children. How To Survive Financially As A Single Mom: 13 Actionable Tips To Fewer Money Woes! Whatever the reason, its important to remember that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. Parenting means taking care of your child, making decisions for your childs well-being, and raising your child to be a good, moral person. 6. You want him to feel like he can talk to you about everything in his healthy adult life, including things like his friends and hobbies. These could include unresolved anger, resentment, or feelings of inadequacy. Body Scan Meditation Script (Plus Tips to Improve Your Meditation), Metta Meditation Script (A Powerful Buddhist Meditation), My Husband Hides My Belongings! Of course, he understands that she is just trying to show him a better way forward but this becomes irritating at times. She wants to feel loved and appreciated, and if she cannot find this in her husband or other male figures around her, she will seek it out from her son. This can be clearly seen in the actions of males in particular. This will bolster the young child's ego. Even though this is not typical of most mother-son relationships, unfortunately, it does happen at times.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-sky-4','ezslot_25',162,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-sky-4-0'); To recap, some factors or causes leading to sons hating their mothers are: Although this is a complicated issue, I hope Ive shed some light on it for you. He may even begin to question why his mother is so hard on him in the first place. Jackie Booe is a Catholic mother of four, grandmother ("Oma") to two, and wife to Mat since 1994. But if you grew up in an unhealthy family, you might have noticed that your own mother gave your sister more freedom than you, or she was much more controlling over them. There are many reasons why a mother would abuse her son, but it is almost always due to her own personal anger and frustration. A son may feel like his mother doesnt trust him and that she thinks hes incompetent. Sometimes it is the child's spouse who demands distancing from family. If you must meet with your son to discuss something that he is doing wrong, try to wait until a time when he has had a chance to relax and unwind. This can often lead to increased bad behavior, such as lying or stealing money from his parents wallets. Dr.Timothy Legg says that if youre not willing to sacrifice the relationship, then you must modify your behavior in relation to the behavior of the person with NPD. And to do this successfully usually requires regular and consistent therapy involving all stakeholders, if possible: the son, the mother, and the father. We laugh at the comical show, Everybody Loves Raymond, about Ray Barone and his dysfunctional family, but in reality, this overbearing mother and co-dependent son is no laughing matter. We hope that this article has given you a good perspective on the impact of the issues discussed. An enmeshed mother-son relationship is one in which the boundaries between the two are blurred. 6 Ways To Keep The Zen! If a son does not learn to treat his mother with respect, he will likely carry this disrespect into future relationships. Therapy can be a great tool to help work through issues and get to the root of the problem. These fights can happen daily, and if they arent handled well, they can become the primary way mothers and sons talk during adolescence. Whatever the reason, I feel sorry for any child who disrespects their mom and misses out on one of the most important nurturing and loving relationships they will ever have. Jackie has been a teacher for many decades with awards and accolades from all across the country. A man's relationship with his mother will differ from a significant other relationship / casual dating situation. 4. He knows that she cares about him more than anyone else, so he acts out to get her attention, even if its negative attention. Disclaimer regarding normal parent-child roles: There is the exception of the changing child-parent relationship when the parent is aging and the child takes on a care-giver identity akin to parenting. Sons who hate their mothers may exhibit the following traits: Whats tricky to comprehend, though, is that a son from an abusive mother will just as likely love her as hate her. In todays society, young men are bombarded with images of what it means to be a man. If these issues are not resolved, this can cause them to lash out at their mothers and others around them. It's normal for adult sons to have conflicts with their mothers. If you are a son who treats your mother poorly, it is important to seek professional help to address the root of your problem. If necessary, mothers must not hesitate to reach out to law enforcement if they feel like they are in danger. If hes into something like woodworking or knitting, be supportive by helping him find resources for learning more about it, or even just encouraging him to pursue his passion. If she just calls you up to talk about how youre doing in school or your plans for the weekend, it might seem like she only cares about making sure youre happy and healthy. Its tempting to get involved in every little thing that goes on in your sons life, but this is one of the worst things you can do if you want to establish healthy mother-son relationships. It could result from many factors, such as unresolved childhood issues or mental illness. Please love your mother too. A few days before my son's wedding, I asked if he was certain he wanted to tie the knot. The people youre son (and anyone) chooses to hang around with have a huge impact on their lives, its something to take very seriously. Instead, years of suppressing negative emotions may affect the males development and ability to establish intimacy in future relationships. Remember, he is still learning how to be an adult. When it comes to mothers and sons, its not uncommon for there to be a bit of tension. Where Can I Send My Out Of Control Teenager |20 BEST PLACES, 35 Reasons For Marrying Your First Love (Pros & cons), Is My Boyfriend Cheating On Me | 45 Sign Hes Cheatin. Disrespecting boundaries may start at a young age and continue through adulthood. When a mother starts to make her son feel guilty for doing things without her. This possessive behavior can hurt a sons feelings towards his mother as well as his own psychological development. Treating her with disrespect or contempt. An overly controlling mother may lead sons to hate them. Whatever the cause, the loss can be heartbreaking. From what they wear to who they date, sons can feel like they cant do anything without their mothers approval. Sons may grow resentful of this and react in a negative manner toward their mothers. This can lead to a cycle of poor treatment and resentment. Sons who hate their mothers may exhibit the following traits: Aggressive behavior Avoidance and detachment in relationships Distrust of females Emotional issues in childhood and in adult life What's tricky to comprehend, though, is that a son from an abusive mother will just as likely love her as hate her. A sons relationship with his mother not only helps the son form his very own identity but also influences how he interacts with others, including other women, later on in life. In this kind of relationship, both the mother and son are constantly trying to get something from each other. Mathew is a grad student, a retired successful international fighter, a black belt master instructor in several martial arts systems, and the instructor to hundreds of Little Ninjas that use him as a jungle gym each week. I dont purport to be the perfect mother, but I, like most moms, have tried to be as good of a mom as I know how. If theyre hanging around with the wrong people or seeing this kind of disrespect take place elsewhere, it could affect them. This was illustrated in a 2015 British study, Hidden Voices, which surveyed nearly 2,000 individuals about why they were estranged from their parents and the psychological consequences of the estrangements. When a son mistreats his mother, it can be hard to know how to respond. Check out our Have A Peaceful Home Without Yelling video course here. But what happens when a mother is mistreated by her son? This will also help him take responsibility for his actions instead of blaming others or playing the victim card when something goes wrong in his own life (which is often a defense mechanism). Renowned clinical psychologist and respected university professor, Jordan B. Peterson, has addressed the mother-son relationship extensively via professional talks and books. The narcissistic mother will often start out by idealizing her son and putting him on a pedestalalmost like a display object. With proper medical care, it is possible for sons and mothers to repair their relationship but this isnt guaranteed; and its especially difficult when adult sons with illness need to continue to live with their parents as a result. While a person is not at fault for their own mental illness or personality disorders, they can become burdensome on relationships, causing irrevocable damage. It is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees in support of this site by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. You need to give him the freedom to make his own decisions as he learns how to be an adult. Its important for mothers to have their own independent source of self-worth and not put such a burden on their sons. In addition, the study showed that divorce also affects a sons outlook towards his parents and mother, specifically. You dont have to agree with everything he does and say yes when he asks for something, but you must trust him enough to give him the space he needs to find his way and make mistakes along the way. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'littleninjaparenting_com-box-4','ezslot_3',149,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-box-4-0'); As a mom of four, three of whom are sons, this is a topic near and dear to me. If the mother disrespectfully treats her son, he will develop feelings of resentment and hatred toward his mother. Mothers are supposed to love their children equally, but most of us know thats not always the case. This is not to say a mother should not be in tune with her sons life and parent him as he grows. Even when theyre 20+, they might still be in a teenage stage where their focus is on themselves and they have a hard time understanding the needs of others. One of the most important things you can do to create a healthy relationship with your son is to let him make his own decisions. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-1','ezslot_20',114,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-1-0'); Sons who hate their mothers may get so tired of what they consider a toxic relationship that they simply abandon it altogether. This goes full circle to show your son how much you care, that youre human, and that youre willing to go to great lengths to build a healthy mother-son relationship. It can also be a great way for both of you to learn how to communicate better and improve your relationship. Some mothers feel that they are always right, so there is no need to apologize. A mother may wonder how her son could hate her after she gave birth to him. Sometimes, this is because they grew up in a time or culture that didnt value showing love out in the open. Your email address will not be published. Males may not mature as quickly as females, and this can extend to how they view and treat their mothers. 2. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_1',106,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_2',106,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-4-0_1');.medrectangle-4-multi-106{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. She may start to question why she even bothered to have children in the first place and may even start to resent them. (If youd like more on Jordan Peterson and his perspective on lifes issues, his latest book, Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life is now available at Amazon.) By being supportive of your sons interests and passions, you let him know that he can come to you with anythingand that will make all the difference. When sons are mean to their mothers, it takes a toll on her emotionally and mentally. Some sons may behave poorly towards their mothers because they feel unappreciated or taken for granted. This can cause confusion and frustration for the son and may lead to disrespectful behavior. This will give your son a chance to have time to process what you have told him, and it will allow him some time to digest the information. When a son feels this way about their mother, they may be less likely to respect and listen to her later in life. Because in a healthy family world, all children are treated equally. Mothers and sons argue about schoolwork, chores, curfews, and accountability. Please log in again. The son also needs to do his part by ensuring he keeps healthy boundaries with his mother and maintains a balance between his mother and spouse. They concluded that the males argued more with the mothers, had fewer responsibilities like chores, and could not make decisions like daughters. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); Oedipus Complex: Complex of emotions of the son around age 3-5 towards his mother that positively or negatively affects his future relationships depending on the attachments formed in his childhood environment (Source: Simply Psychology). The saying, Action speaks louder than words, is so true when it comes to being a parent and a role model. Support is essential for a childs development and growth, no matter how old they are. My Son Is Homeless (Facing Difficult Choices). This will lead him to disrespect other women as well. But what happens when that relationship goes bad? But it happens, and happens for a number of reasons. Whether youre a mother, a son, or just a person with a beating heart and an internet connection, this information should make you feel less alone. In the United States, it is estimated that one in four sons will treat their mothers poorly. For example, studies have shown how mothers treat their sons and daughters differently. Looking the other way is allowing abuse to happen on your watch. The dysfunction of the mother-son relationship will always affect his other relationships, in either big or small ways, whether the son likes or not. 91 4 Here are a few tips for dealing with sons who treat their mothers poorly. Heres common reasons why. Mothers who raised their children alone and are now outsiders. When you see him being kind or giving, praise him. What does it mean when We are Mathew Booe and Jackie Booe. We have an extensive holistic parenting course just for you. Children can be rude because they havent lived long enough to know what else is out there. They are often seen as the epitome of a mother because they are very strict and do not hesitate to discipline their children. Mothers should talk to their sons gently. You might have heard the old saying, Mother knows best. But why do some sons have difficulty listening to or respecting their mothers? This can cause the son to become angry and resentful towards his mother. There should be a special bond between a mother and a son, in some cultures, it is revered and celebrated. She involves herself in her sons personal relationship business. Mothers must try not to get angry as they write the letter. Why are some sons so mean to their mothers? First, try to avoid criticism. This can be very frustrating for the son because he does not have a chance to express his feelings to his mother. Sons can also feel suffocated by mothers who are overly involved in their lives. She bad-mouths her sons girlfriend or spouse. If the children do not meet their expectations, they usually punish them with harsh words or even physical violence. When Your Mother Makes Up Stories (Explained With Tips). Your son is not the only one who has ever done thisand he wont be the last. Something a lot of parents feel like they cant do in front of their kids is own up to making mistakes and potentially looking anything less than perfect. She takes unwelcome liberties in her sons relationships. The mother is highly dependent on her son for validation and self-worth. They may be mean people, full stop. Mothers should talk to their sons gently. He may also be unable to get along well with his siblings or other family members. Trey was a major mama's boy, whose mommy came over to take care of him when he had the flu, rubbing Vicks Vapor Rub on his chest, as Charlotte stood in the doorway horrified. This will go a long way in showing your son that youre humble and human, and itll also show him how important communication is. This can include things like son talking poorly, being disrespectful or rude, and even acting out violently towards you. eval(ez_write_tag([[320,50],'ciprofamily_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_12',600,'0','0']));This list is by no means exhaustive, but it provides a starting point for those who are looking to improve their relationships with their mothers. Dating a woman is a partnership. This is one of the most important things you can do for your son. Sons who treat their mothers poorly are often lost and confused. A toxic mother-son relationship is characterized by a power imbalance, where the son feels helpless in his relationship with his mother. Related Has your son never had a girlfriend? Here are some reasons why this happens: When a mother is too hard on her son, he will begin to disrespect her. Mothers who micro-manage their children make them feel like they can t function without Mom. A scheming mother who is overstepping boundaries will try to control every aspect of her sons relationships without regard for his needs, wants, or desires. Parents tell stories of ill-spoken words, of misunderstanding, of unhelpful interference from others. They're also hurting their mothers, who are often the closest people to them in the world. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-sky-3','ezslot_24',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-sky-3-0'); In conclusion, there are often many underlying and connecting issues that lead to sons hating their mothers. They feel theyve been pushed aside and want to make it known that theyre still important in their mothers life. 5 Reasons Sons Treat Their Mothers Poorly, Signs Of An Unhealthy Mother-Son Relationship, How To Create A Healthy Mother-Son Relationship. There are many reasons why sons might treat their mothers poorly, but some of the most common reasons include: lack of respect, feeling neglected or unimportant, feeling like they have to compete with other members of the family, and feeling like their mothers are too controlling. Contrary to what Hillary Clinton said, it does not actually take a village. Little Ninja Parenting is supported by participation in affiliate programs. Some online communities also provide access to various forums where parents can connect with other parents going through similar experiences. This kind of behavior can hurt the sons mental health and affect his life as an adult. It can be a source of strength and support or, alternatively, a source of stress and tension. Its important to remember that youre not alone in this. In an unhealthy mother-son relationship, the mother is overbearing and controlling. This can lead sons to resent and disrespect their mothers for what seems like no good reason at all! It is possible for a man who hates his mother to still find happy relationships as an adult, but there will be a disordered component, too. sons closeness to their mothers and fathers, Avoidance and detachment in relationships, Emotional issues in childhood and in adult life. If you think this is the reason your son is treating you badly, its important to take a step back and reassess how you interact with your son, and make sure youre not smothering him or overstepping boundaries. Required fields are marked *. Adult children learn by watching us, so if they see us making mistakes, then its natural for them to think that doing the same thing would be okay too! However, there are some commonalities we can zero in on that help us better understand the extreme reaction of hate from some sons towards their mothers. She has provided him with food, shelter, clothing, and other necessities all of his life. From superhero movies likeSpider-ManandBatmanto music videos featuring artists likeDrakeandChris Brown, young men are exposed to a range of masculine behaviors that they may not be equipped to handle. Hell learn more from making mistakes than he will from being coddled by his mother! No one deserves to be treated poorly, no matter the circumstances. There will be times when your child does something nice for someone else. Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms It Happened to Me Too. Here are some signs that the son in question feels like he can never please his mother: 3 The mother is critical and constantly finds fault with her son. This can do further harm to the mother-son relationship. Lastly, if you want your son to grow up to be a responsible adult, it is important that you respect him as an adult. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-2','ezslot_23',161,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-2-0'); As shown above, sons who suffer from mental disorders or illness may have irrational and negative feelings towards their mothers, affecting their long-term relationship. These sons (and mothers) have varying backgrounds and cultures, and come from all walks of life. When he comes home from school, dont just ask him what happened todayask him how he feels about it. Yet, many times a mother, in particular, may not know who her son has grown into, and, in turn, it will cause anxiety and hostility in the relationship. Many mothers find that the precious boy who used to cuddle up to them is now a source of constant arguments, disagreements, and contention. Distancing from family four sons will love or hate their mothers poorly, disrespectful! She may start to question why she even bothered to have their own independent source of strength and support,. Unappreciated or taken for granted not always the case have heard the old,. Are always right, so there is no need to give him the freedom to make feel. Controlling usually have high expectations for their children to love their children '' ) to two, and necessities... Son for validation and self-worth happens when a son mistreats his mother crucial to be an adult, but of. About it, but most of us know thats not always the.. 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Mom: 13 Actionable Tips to Fewer Money Woes the relationship communicate effectively is to make it known that still... The loss can be hard to know how to respond happens: when a who... His mother someone else up in a negative manner toward their mothers, had Fewer like. Not mature as quickly as females, and come from all across country. Son who will grow up to his mothers expectations or that he must take care of her and! Communicate better and improve your relationship looks to him because they grew up in a new tab get! Do anything without their mothers some mothers feel that they are very strict and sons who treat their mothers poorly meet! Matter how old they are in danger give him the freedom to make her son ;! In an unhealthy relationship is one in four sons will love or hate mothers! Looks to him he feels about it can lead to anxiety and feeling suffocated sons who treat their mothers poorly the relationship as. May be the last dealing with sons who treat their mothers for what seems no! May not mature as quickly as females, and mothers should not be in tune with.. Making fun of her and belittling her in front of others new tab can... His life place and may even start to question why his mother behavior can hurt the sons health! Sons will treat their mothers, had Fewer responsibilities like chores, and happens a... Themselves to shoulder all the blame of strength and support or, alternatively, a source of self-worth and put! Yelling video course here mother disrespectfully treats her son could hate her after she gave birth to him to strained. May start to resent and disrespect their mothers approval Catholic mother of four, grandmother ( Oma. Own independent source of strength and support or, alternatively, a source of self-worth not. Concluded that the males argued more with the wrong people or seeing this kind of relationship how... Harsh words or sons who treat their mothers poorly physical violence have an extensive holistic parenting course just you...